Medieval Titans, Goeth
by TheBleachSisters-ane
Summary: In a desperate attempt to quell his raging hunger, Beast Boy digs into a fuzz covered entrée toward the back of the fridge. Let the wild hallucination begin!Rated T for witch melting and foot soldier axing…
1. Chapter 1

Medieval Titans, Go-eth! 

Author's Notes:

To be frank, this story was written after a bad experience with a leftover dish and a desire to write a cute Titan story ;)

Also, a disclaimer: No, I do not own _Teen Titans_ or anything related to the matter, etc… I only write stories like these as homage to honor the actual creators and writers', to which this concept belongs.

Now… There's no calculated romantic pairings to be aware of for anyone concerned. It's just good, fatuous fun! Thanks for stoppin' by, and I hope you enjoy.

"I'm hungry. Ooh, what do we have here? Oh man, this all looks good!"

Raven wrinkled her nose and lowered her book. "Beast Boy, have you ever been to the mall before?"

"Sure," he said, picking through the furry blue food in the back of their refrigerator. "I didn't think you've ever been."

"They have those things in the window marked, 'For Display Only.'"

"What's your point?"

She closed her eyes, then closed her book. "You're not seriously going to eat that?"

"As long as it's not mutton of some kind."

"You can't tell?"

He pulled out a velvety-topped bowl of green gunk. "I think this was tofu lentil salad."

Raven cringed while he poked it with a spoon. "Ugh."

"No, no, it's still good. I'll just peel back the top layer…"

"I can't watch," she interrupted, turning toward the stairwell. "It's too painful."

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly. "Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg won't be back from the store until who knows when. I can't wait that long!"

Raven looked over her shoulder before disappearing into the hallway. "If I hear any wild howling, I'll assume you were dumb enough to eat that."

"And if I am?"

"I'll fly you to the hospital," she mumbled, seeing him dig into the dish. "And call the poison control center. There's no way I'm getting my hands on that mess."

Beast Boy shrugged, unperturbed by Raven's warnings. "This isn't so bad. It's tastes even better aged."

Raven turned toward her room with a shudder.

_She doesn't know what she's missing, _Beast Boy thought while he devoured as much of the salad as he could. Once he was full, he tossed the empty dish into the sink to wash another time. Unaffected by his snack, he took a running jump into the couch cushions. He laughed to himself after he turned on their TV. _Now that Raven's gone, I'm free to watch anything I want. _Diving right into daytime cartoons, Beast Boy quickly forgot his troubles and curled up with the blissfully hypnotic shows.

After an episode or two, he tilted his head, not feeling quite right. _Ooh… I think Raven was right about that stuff. Why didn't she try to stop me?_

He rolled off the couch and onto his knees, his stomach rolling as well. Once Beast Boy clamped his mouth shut, he attempted to make it to the bathroom. _If I barf on the floor, Cyborg's gonna kill me. Must… make it to… bathroom…_

Only halfway there, a horrifying dizzy spell stopped him in his tracks. Shifting into several different animals, Beast Boy was unable to shake the feeling. He collapsed to the floor after resorting to his original form.

_Maybe I should holler for Raven. She might hear me. Or, I could start howling. Didn't she say if I started doing that, she'd fly me somewhere? Somewhere… Where? Can't open mouth… Out pour foul lunch… Ugh… Raven, help me…_


	2. Chapter 2

Beast Boy awoke to an unfamiliar sound. Assuming it was the hum of the stomach pump, he allowed his eyes to drift open. He braced himself for the worst, knowing a lecture from his friends awaited him.

Nothing.

He blinked several times, his vision finally coming into focus. The bright blue sky that came into view above him thrust him into confusion. After sitting up, his head began spinning. "Oh… Where am I?"

Once Beast Boy examined his surroundings, he concluded he was nowhere he had been before. On rubbery legs he stood, still reeling from the awful lunch he had. _Memo to self: Never ignore Raven's warnings again. _Taking a step forward, he sputtered. _Ever._

Beast Boy attempted to raise his arms with a yawn, but was perplexed when he was unsuccessful. Looking at his limbs, he noticed he was wearing a much different costume than his own familiar black-and-purple number. _Hmm… It seems that I've been coated in a suit of some kind. It appears to be made out of metal. _He beat his fist against his chest to test the suits' strength. _It seems sturdy enough. At least I know Raven and Cyborg didn't wrap me in aluminum foil and dump me in the woods. Now, where the heck am I?_

After walking down the path he had been lying in, he frowned, now a bit scared. _Oh no! I'm lost. I don't know where I am. Stupid fuzzy food! It's all its fault! _He paused on the trail when he came to a fork. _No. It's my fault. If I had been patient and waited for those guys to get back from the store, I wouldn't be in this mess. If I could only remember what happened after I fell down._

"Sir Beast Boy? Sir Beast Boy? Where art thou?"

He turned at the voices' call. He then smiled once a small pinkish ball of light came into view a ways behind him. "Hello? I'm a Beast Boy."

The object sped toward him with his declaration. Stopping abruptly, he could tell it was a fairy. And not just any fairy.

"Starfire?"

"That is my name, yes," she said, landing in his outstretched palm. She fluttered her wings, then smoothed her small purple skirt. "I am delighted I hath caught up to thou."

"Star, why are you talking like one of those chicks from the play about those guys?"

"My speech hath always been in such a manner," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "We must abandon this squabble. Thy assistance is direly needed in a land far from here."

He raised an eyebrow. Unsure why Starfire was now the size of a dragonfly and he was in an unfamiliar place instead of the Tower, he wasn't sure what he should do. Regardless, someone needed his help, and he was a Teen Titan. "Okay, Starfire. What seems to be the problem?"

"'Tis the dreaded King Sladedred," she began.

"Slade?"

"Sladedred," she corrected. "He hath gone and captured the good princess."

_Terra!_ He brought her closer. "Where!"

"To his domain in the South," she explained. "Thou must take the right fork in this road to get there."

"I'm on it," he said, tossing her into the air. He stretched his arms best to his ability and hopped upward. Unable to morph into a hawk, he glanced at his fairy friend. "Dude, why can't I change?"

"Into what?"

"Never mind," he mumbled. He started jogging down the path. He glanced over his shoulder when he sped ahead of Starfire. "You're coming with me, right?"

"Aye good sir," she said, landing on his shoulder. "My duty is to guide thou along thine way."

"Stop talking like that."

"Whatever keeps your boat afloat."

Along his way, Beast Boy came to realize that running in a heavy costume wasn't such a good idea. Once he and his fairy friend reached a small village, he stopped to catch his breath. "Okay… this isn't working. Can't you sprinkle some dust on me so I can fly too?"

She shook her head.

"Dang." He glanced around. "Do you have any money?"

She motioned to a purse on his belt.

"All right," he said happily, digging through the gold coins. "I think we can rent a car with this kind of money. A nice one too."

"A car? Explain the definition of this, _a_ _car_."

"Have it your way. Let's find a horse."

The duo had nothing to show for their efforts after a long hour of searching. A few kids wanted to sell them a cornstalk or something, and Beast Boy wasn't about to eat any of the meat hanging from the miscellaneous cart windows.

Beast Boy walked out of the small village with Starfire on his shoulder, unable to muffle his groan. "How far is it to Slade's castle or whatever?"

"Sladedred's kingdom is but a league from here."

"So, if you lined up the entire baseball league…"

Starfire sighed. "I knew I should have gone to the Knight Wonder to accomplish this deed."

"Hey! I'm a good hero. I just need a horse, that's all."

"Mayhap that stallion is to your liking."

He blinked at the glorious white horse with a matching light blue saddle. "I can't take that horse. It belongs to someone."

"Perhaps they will loan it to you."

"We can try I guess."

Rounding the corner, they walked past the fence where the great white beast was grazing to the doorway of the owners' cottage.

"Dude, this whole thing looks like it's made out of cookies!" Beast Boy marveled with bright eyes as Starfire knocked on the door. "Oh man, I wish I lived here."

The door opened, giving way to a familiar green face.

Beast Boy shrieked. "Mother Mae-Eye!"

"It's Madame Mae-Eye," she corrected. She took off her black pointy hat with a grin. "What can I do for you, stranger?"

"Um, I really need to get down the road," he began. "And, I haven't been able to find a horse. I'll give you this much gold if you'd let me have yours."

"Certainly," she said, taking the coins he offered her. Before the two of them could leave, she put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't leave just yet. I was about to put something in the oven. Wouldn't you like to stay?"

"Well, I am hungry," he said, turning back to her. "What's cooking?"

"You'll see when we get there."

"Oh no you do not!" Starfire said as she waved her little wand.

At once a miniature rain cloud appeared above the gruesome witches' head. After the water began pouring, Madame Mae-Eye melted with a cry.

"Eew! Star, did you have to do that?"

"I offer the apology. We must not waste time."

Beast Boy stepped over the puddle, then hopped the fence and approached the white horse. Once he was on and the gate was open, he and Starfire took off on the T-horse, which Beast Boy insisted on calling him.

A short ways down the road, the duo crested a hill. From there, they could see the dark kingdom of Sladedred, as well as a person on the road before them. Recognizing the tall stature of the man on the road, Beast Boy eagerly spurred ahead.

"Cyborg! Oh man, I am _so_ glad to see you! There is no way you're going to believe this. You have to listen to this story. I-"

"Silence, puny one," he said sternly. "I know not of his man dubbed 'Cye of the Boorg.' I am Cy the Mangler, a highland warrior, and I have not seen you of yet."

"Well, um, that would explain the skirt."

"It's a kilt, feeble-minded ninny."

"That's what I meant," he said, grinning widely.

Cy raised an eyebrow. "What business have you in the kingdom of Sladedred?"

"I'm going to free the captured princess… I think."

"Your small stature may not serve you well while journeying to the evil one's castle," he mused. "Mayhap you need a third on your quest."

"Uh… Yay verily?"

"Oh yeah," he said. He nodded at his horse. "Sweet ride you've got there, puny one."

"Thanks."

"Are you familiar with the castle of Sladedred?" Starfire asked Cy once he mounted his steed.

"Know him I do not," he said, looking forward. "I hath come far from my home in the hills to end the evil one's tyranny. 'Tis fate that brought me across your path."

"I'm Beast Boy," he introduced. "This is Starfire."

"Glad to meet you."

The trio went along their way, ever nearing the dreaded kingdom of Sladedred. It took many hours and a restful night's sleep to bring them to the village below the foreboding castle.

"This is unpleasant," Beast Boy muttered under his breath as they passed through the dirty streets. "Where is everybody?"

"Most assuredly hiding," Starfire said, looking around. "Mayhap the evil king knows we are coming."

"Let him come," Cy said. "We can defeat him together."

Beast Boy looked around. "But we're missing some people. I mean, we can fight the good fight and all, but we can't take him like this! There's only three of us."

"Correction. Change that to four of us."

Everyone turned to see a shorter man on a horse, dressed in oddly colored armor.

Starfire swooned at the sight. "'Tis the good Knight Wonder. How handsome he is."

"Get a grip," Beast Boy said, poking her lightly.

The Knight Wonder approached the three of them, who were poised to storm the castle gates. "Have you room for one more on your quest?"

"It's not really a _quest_," Beast Boy explained. "It's more of a _summons-_"

"The Knight Wonder's help is most welcome," Starfire answered quickly.

"'Tis a good thing," he said, coming to a stop. "I have traveled long and far to battle the Black Knight known as X. Now I know I do not face him alone."

"Then let us adjourn to his holding!" Starfire said, lifting her little wand.

The castle gate lurched open at her command.

"Whoa, wait a second," Beast Boy said, glancing around. "We're still one person short of being together. Where's Raven?"

"Have you not noticed the black bird of death following you since your journey began?" Starfire asked as Cy and the Knight Wonder charged into battle. "This Raven of which you speak has been with you the whole time."

Noticing a bird perched on the castle wall, he smiled. "All right then."

In the courtyard, Beast Boy could see the Knight Wonder already joined in swordplay with the Black Knight X. Cy the Mangler was axing any foot soldier that was fool enough to get in his path. Beast Boy and Starfire followed him inside to the main room, which happened to be the throne room.

The dreadful King Sladedred was sitting calmly in his place of honor, sipping his wine and fiddling with his monocle. Noticing the three of them, he set his goblet down and stood. "I see you have come for your princess. And to overthrow me."

"Aye. Prepare to eat my medieval led, Sladedred!"

Cy brought his full onslaught down onto the evil king. Beast Boy was poised to help, but was stopped by Starfire.

"No," she said. She pointed toward the stairs. "We will deal with this bad man. You attend to the princess."

"Right," he said once he sheathed his drawn sword. "You got it."

Up the stairs he dashed until he came to the tallest tower door. He took his sword and hacked at the knob until it gave way. With a push, he entered the room with every ounce of opulence and masculinity he had. "I have come to rescue, my fair princess Terra-"

"I'm not Terra."

Beast Boy's jaw hit the floor. "Raven! But you… I thought… Outside, there's a… I can't believe…"

"Look, I didn't want to be the princess either," she said, snapping her book shut. "I'm not wispy. I'm not dainty. I'm only a damsel by definition. And I'm only distressed because I had to wear this stupid dress." She motioned to the pink chiffon gown that was billowing around her. "I couldn't think of a worse color on me. The only word that could possibly describe this awful, frumpy, repugnant costume is _foofy_. I don't know if that's actually a word, but if means something as stupid as it sounds-"

"We have no time for your ranting," he said, motioning toward the stairs. "Come on!"

"Yeah right. You try running in this thing."

Beast Boy reached over and tossed her over his shoulder. The two of them quickly descended the stairs, followed by a sea of pink chiffon and lace.

Already, they could see the evil Sladedred defeated at the hands of Cy the Mangler and Starfire. However, they were no where in sight.

Beast Boy exited the castle, which was now somehow on fire, and searched through the courtyard for the companions he had along his journey. The Knight Wonder was no where to be found. There wasn't a trace of anyone anywhere. When nothing but the T-horse remained, he shrugged and mounted the horse with Raven.

The two of them sped through the village and down the road until they were a safe distance away.

Beast Boy turned the T-horse so they could see Sladedred's kingdom in ruin. "Well, I defeated the evil Sladedred, freed his oppressed people, and ended tyranny. Pretty good for me, huh?"

She gave him a skeptical look. "You didn't do that all on your own."

"No," he admitted. Then he smiled. "But I saved you."

"Um… yeah. Thanks."

His lips broke into a wily grin. "How about a kiss for your brave knight in shining armor?"

Raven thought. "Not even in your dreams, _Garfield_." With that, she slapped him.


	3. Chapter 3

"Yo BB, wake up."

"Beast Boy, please wake over your sleep."

"We should take him to the hospital."

"Why did you not take our friend to the place of sick people, Raven. He is obviously ill."

"I was in my room the whole time. I had no idea he was this sick."

Beast Boy's eyes open at the sound of his friends' voices. "Guys?"

"He lives!" Starfire exclaimed, hugging him.

"Not too tight, Star," Cyborg cautioned her. "If he ate what I think he ate, he's liable to blow."

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" Robin asked as he sat up.

Beast Boy put his hands to his throbbing head. "Oh… I'll make it."

"What happened?" Robin asked curiously.

"I traveled to his place," he explained absently. "It was so weird. It was all medieval and stuff. There weren't any cars, or paved roads. I had this suit of armor, and Starfire came to me with fairy wings and magic and told me I had to stop Sladedred's evil realm, and he had captured this princess."

Starfire clapped her hands together, delighted with his tale.

"And you were there," he went on, pointing at Cyborg. "You were a mangler from the highlands who was kicking medieval butt." He motioned to Robin. "And you were there too. You were the good Knight Wonder, out to stop the Black Knight X."

"That's quite a dream, Beast Boy," Robin said, smiling modestly.

Raven helped him up using her powers. "Let me guess, I was the hag?"

"No," he said, smiling. Once he regained his footing, he went on. "You were the princess I had to save. Slade had captured you and dressed you in this flowing pink dress."

"It's more dastardly than I could have ever imagined."

"I had a feeling it was all just a dream," he said, heading toward the kitchen. "How long have you guys been gone?"

"A half hour," Robin said. He motioned to Starfire. "Let's bring in the rest of the groceries, Star."

She nodded. "Beast Boy, will you be all right?"

"I think so."

"This is why you are not to eat the blue furry food in the back of the fridge," she warned before she left with Robin.

"I'll go prep my table," Cyborg said as he headed upstairs. "We'll get you fixed up in no time."

"Okay Cy," he said.

After a glass of water, he could hear Raven clear her throat. "Beast Boy, I apologize for not checking on you."

"Don't worry about it," he said, setting his glass in the sink.

"Come on," she said. "I'll float you to Cyborg's room."

"Not yet," he said while he took out a garbage bag from beneath the sink. "Right now, I think it's time to clean out the fridge."

The End-eth


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